Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Before I go on...

Ok, Look everyone. I appreciate that people have opinions, but this blog was not meant to be a theological debate forum. If you don't agree with my posts then don't look at them anymore. They are seriously not bad at all, and if I really unleashed what I wanted to say on here sometimes, I'm sure some of you would blush. I'm not angry at anyone for what they said, but it's just kinda ridiculous. Although I must admit, it's pretty entertaining to watch people argue. On second thought, keep it up, I enjoy every minute of it.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Don't take things so seriously

In regards to the comment that was left on my previous post, you're taking things way too seriously. The entire point of my blog is just a rant, it's nothing that I actually mean, and it's meant to be purely for comic purposes. I WOULDN'T ACTUALLY MURDER CHER if I had the chance. You have a point with the comment you left, but I really think that sometimes life shouldn't be taken so seriously all the time.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

If I could commit murder without being caught...

Okay I know that's a harsh title, but there are some people on this earth, that if they died, I wouldn't be that upset about it. Here is my top 5 list of people I would shoot if I had the opportunity.

5. Jon Heder

The infamous star of "Napoleon Dynamite". I know I know... most of you out there think he's the greatest thing to ever happen to the big screen, but I'm telling you.. I would murder this guy if I had the chance, just to ensure that he never makes another movie like that again. I rented it believing all the hype and being prepared to laugh uncontrollably, but I left that movie wishing I had the hour and a half back in my life. The best part of the movie was when it ended... seriously people, this movie is only funny when you quote it, and even that has been killed over time.

4. Madonna

I hate Madonna. She's not that good of a singer, was never that hot, and honestly, you're a dirty dirty tramp, and apparantly also a bisexual. Shouldn't you have died from some random STD by now?

3. Vince Carter

I used to love this guy, and in fact I'm wearing an all-star jersey from back when he played with the Raptors, but now, I just wish this guy got hit by a bus. What kind of person making like 10 million dollars a year just whines when his team sucks, and doesn't try as hard as he can? You know why the Raptors sucked this year Vince? Because you blew goats until you got traded, maybe if you actually tried you could have helped the team. They were much better without you, and I hope you get the clap.

2. Cher

STOP PERFORMING AND DIE! Seriously, what is this, like your 18th farewell tour? No one cares or likes you anymore, just go get another plastic surgery, and I'll pray the surgeon messes up and stabs you in the heart with his scapal.

1. Shania Twain

Maybe I hate her so much because I'm Canadian, but honestly I've never heard a performer more overplayed. All your songs suck, and you keep trying to fool people into thinking you're a teenie bopper or something. You're an embarassment to Canada and I hate you. Oh and huge F goes out to Mark McRath. Sugar Ray used to be a hardcore band, and I can even understand him going a bit soft to be more radio friendly and make some dough, but when you start doing a duet with Shania Twain, this dude must be hard up for cash. I'll seriously let you sleep on my couch if you're that broke Mark, at least then you can retain a shread of your dignity.

Noteables who didn't quite make it: Queen Latifah, George Bush, Beastie Boys, Fran Drescher, Jack White.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Top Five Things I Hate

I think I may end up turning this blog into a top 5 site, mostly because that's the funniest way I can come up with my rants. I'll still be posting random tidbits of frustation on here, but for now, here's another top 5.

Top 5 things I hate

5. Going Bald

Why is it that men go bald? I know this seems like a stupid thing to include in a post, but honestly.. how am I supposed to have any chance with girls my own age when they all think I look 25? Fortunately I now have a girlfriend, and I figure that
I need to get married before I really lose it.

4. Slow Drivers

Why is it every time I get in the car I get behind grandpa who's testing out the ol' cadillac, or little sally who's driving with her mom for the first time. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! I drive the biggest piece of crap on the road, which can barely drive the speed limit half the time, so if I'm getting ticked off behind you, you know that you need to reevaluate the speed
at which you are driving on the road. If you can't keep up with a fifth avenue then get off the road! (this means you especially mom)

3. Authority

This is likely one that most people wouldn't have on their list, but this really gets my blood boiling. Anyone who looks at me with a look of contempt is in danger of me ripping their arms off and beating them to death with them. Seriously, a person could ASK me to saw off my own foot and I'd happily oblige, but if you TELL me to come take money out of your wallet I feel like flipping you off. I seriously can't stand being told what to do, so if you know me, simply say "could you" or "please" and I promise I won't castrate you.

2. Dumb People

This drives me absolutely insane as well. One instance I had recently was a girl who I know is very intelligent, but the instance that a "hot guy" came round, then she just put on her face and made herself look ridiculous. Word to wise girls, if your acting
stupid routine is actually working for you, it's probably cause the guy doesn't want anything more than to have his way
with you, and figures you're dumb enough to fall for his tricks. Also, I can't stand stupid questions. Recently I misplaced my wallet and my mom asked "well where did you have it last?". I promptly waited a few seconds to calm my anger and replied, "well if I knew that I'd probably have my wallet now wouldn't I?" My mother doesn't appreciate sarcasm all that much. *note- my mom's not stupid, she just occasionally asks stupid questions* - there, that should cover me.

1. Feminism

Now don't misconstrue this as me being sexist because it is not that way at all. I have no problem Whatsoever with women in the workforce, or anything like that. In fact I often tell people that women are great for three things in particular: cooking, cleaning, and making babies... Haha, no I didn't mean that, I honestly have no problem with women having a prominent role in society, but what does get my blood boiling is women who are overly "strong" with their opinions. The type of girl who will get mad at me for holding a door open for her at wal-mart. Seriously.. we're not out to get you, we're just trying to be the "nice guy" that you are looking for. Course there is always the other end of the spectrum as well, the type that will get mad at
you for not holding the door for them. My conclusion is- women never know what they want most of the time, and us poor saps are left to try and figure out what it is they want.

Let me know if you would have included any of these on your own personal list, I'm out.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Why work sucks

As much as I hate school (those of you that know me know how much I complain about it), there are definitely perks to being a student as opposed to working in an office building. Here is a list of the following reasons I hate working for SGI.

1. I HATE waking up in the morning every day to be there at 8.
At least with school I had days when I didn't start til 12:30, or better yet, if I didn't feel like getting up, I'd lay in bed and laugh about how the rest of my classmates were sitting there listening to some overpaid professor (in some cases a drunk one) was feeding them a bunch of BS. ( I do appreciate a lot of what I learn at university, however I feel that a lot of our 4 year degree is filler, stupid government wants more money!)

2. I hate wearing dress clothes.
This morning I was asked if I would be willing to take my earring out while at work, which I said I'd prefer not to. The boss said it wasn't a big deal, but he figured that doing my hair in a more traditional way and not having an earring might further my professional image. My professional imagine?!?!? I sit in a chair all day and read magasuines and answer the phone when it rings. I could be sitting there naked and it would make almost zero difference. I'll take my earring out and stab you in the neck with it!

3. I hate being asked to do stupid little jobs.
I've always had a bit of a problem with authority, but when someone asks me to come into their office and file their papers for them I always oblige (mostly cause I like the big government pay check), but really all I want to do is say "get off your overpaid lazy butt and do it yourself!". Seriously.. all it would take is for said person to look through the sheets and file them in their cabinet, they wouldn't even have to get off the chair in order to do this.

4. I hate being the "token summer student".
I seriously think the boss hires the most attractive male employee he can find so to entertain the other women in the office (it must have been a thin crop the year I applied). I constantly get the brunt of all kinds of sexual jokes throughout the day, and I'm big enough that I'm not going to whine and file a complaint, but for the love of God woman, you're 47 years old, stop telling me things that would make a sailor blush with shame!

5. I hate doing nothing.
Although this seems to be a shift from the normal attitude I have in life, doing nothing is very boring and makes the day crawl by. I used to hear people joke about the lack of work that government employees do, but now I know first hand. I once asked every person in the office if they had anything for me to help them with and they all did not, so I asked my boss what I should do and he actually said "go to 7-11 and buy a magasuine to read... oh and Chris.. take the company car, I dont' want anyone to see you driving around in your vehicle during work hours". Alright.... I mean.. cool right? All I have to say is that when I'm back on the other side of the coin of this ridiculous operation, I'm going to be right along the coffee row of old people bitching about the government, cause there's no way in hell I deserve to get paid as much as I do to sit around and read Sports Illustrated magasuine. Nuff said, I feel better now....