Friday, June 10, 2005

Baby's breath

Top five things that ticked me off about the flower shop

5. Bad advertizing-
It seems like every single time I go to buy flowers I see a sign on the corner from Grower Direct or some other company, enticing me with a deal like "24 roses for 19.99". The last two times that I have went to get this great deal.. I have ended up buying something else because they are all out of red roses, or the deal is over and they forgot to take the sign down. I hate you flower lady.

4. Pressure to buy once you're in there-
Of course, once you've set foot in a flower shop, you aint getting out without buying something. I could get away with this when I was a stupid 7th grader trying to impress some girl way out of my league, but now if I set foot in a store, you're pretty much commited. I asked about the deal above and the lady explained that I was too late, and then she gave me the look and asked "could I interest you in something else we have here?". Note: This look is one that says "Ok cheapskate, were you just looking for an easy cliche'd way to impress your girlfriend, or are you man enough to still fork out your pension in order to get some flowers. Flowers are nice and all... but they're stupid, they die in a week. It's as bad as Pauly Shore's acting career.

3. Roses mean something-
So the lady proceeds to take my into the cold room where all the roses are displayed and I look at a bouquet of nice yellow roses. She explain to me that it's a bad idea to buy yellow roses for a girlfriend, which left this ignorant male dumbfounded. Being that there were no red roses available, she suggested I go with pink. Does it really matter what color they are? I mean... they're flowers and the cost lots of money. Women.. you should understand that there are a select few men out there that actually care about this stuff, and most of them are wishing some dreamy piece of mancandy would buy them flowers. So if you are lucky enough to get a guy who will buy you flowers, just be thankful if they aren't dandilions.

2. Baby's breath's stupid name-
If I were to think of the most beautiful name for a flower possible, I might just say Baby's breath takes the cake. The person that thought of that name is brilliant, however they had one small flaw. Why did you pick such a crappy flower to use the best name on! Seriously, it's a stupid little white bud that looks retarded on it's own, but if you don't include it in the bouquet you're getting, well then flower lady is going to give you the look again and you'll end up feeling like you just picked dandilions because you didn't want the stupid babie's breath.

1. The price of Baby's breath-
Baby's breath really pisses me off, so I felt it deserved two of the top five. After you have thought about how stupid the look of Baby's breath is, then you can proceed to get the look from FL, and you'll end up buying it anyway. This is the part that really gets a guy going. You walk into a store expecting 24 ROSES FOR 20 BUCKS, and you go to the counter with a dozen for around 25 or something. But oh no, FL and fruity flower boy aren't done with you yet.. that stupid little white bud that makes the world of difference in the flowers also makes a difference in the pocket book. Seriously a stupid little white bud jacks up the price another like 5-6 bucks. Just when you're ready to leave you can always look back and see Flower Lady satisfied with manipulating another male customer, and Flower Boy, staring off in the distance, wishing that somehow... someway, you'll turn around and hand him the flowers you just purchased. I hate flower shops, and yet I know that this won't be my last encounter with the dynamic duo.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Top five things that suck about living at home

5. Nagging mom- Seriously, I'm 21 years old. Simple thingsn like my mother asking me when I'm gonna come home, or wanting to know every detail of my life just drives me insane. I love my mom very much, but sometimes, I just wanna lock her in a closet.

4. Depressing to see losers from high school- I can't believe how many people never made it out of this one horse town. I remember when we graduated, I thought our class would be the exception to years before it. I figured most people would get out of the town and do something with their lives. Unfortunately, half the class is a bunch of drug-addicts, and riggers and it really depresses me to see it. Seriously guys, it's time to move out of your mother's house, stop hitting on 16 year old girls and get a real job. It used to be funny.. now it's just sad.

3. Having to explain your year at school- You ever had to do this? Seriously if one more person comes up and says "Hi, how was your year at school? What are you taking again? How many years do you have left? Would you like to kick my ass for asking you these questions? *Note- no one asks me this question anymore... someone had to great my shoe extracted from their colon.

2. Old reputation following you- "Oh... so are you still playing hockey? How's that nice girlfriend of yours? I dont' know what it is about home towns, but it seems that people are in a time warp or something. Everyone knows everything about your parents and it doesn't seem to matter how many times you tell people stuff, they just remember the things that annoy you most. If I have to tell one more old lady that I don't play trumpet anymore, or that I'm not in high school anymore, they are going to end up like the guy who asked me about my year at school.

1. Nagging mom- I don't think I can stress this point enough, so I gave it number 1 and 5. My mother constantly asks me stupid questions, roots through my mail, nags me about my money, about doing laundry... I could go on. Once you've lived on your own and been able to do whatever you want, it's annoying to have someone mother you again. I mean really mom, why do you care when I leave Banana Peels on the floor or throw cupcakes at the wall? I'm 21 Dammit!!! You can't control me anymore!!!!