Sunday, September 18, 2005

Top five things that suck about the bar

The bar has always been a bit of a stupid place, but any time that I go there now I notice more and more things that annoy me, as a general rule I try to avoid most places, but on the odd occasion I end up going out with some friends.

5. Crappy music
I don't think there's another place in the world where these same stupid songs could get people so excited. I literally see girls jumping on each other and dry humping when "save a horse, ride a cowboy comes on". And to make things worse, plenty of guys come to the bar dressed in wrangler's and cowboy hats, and pray to God that they got there before that song was played. News flash hick boy, for about 4 minutes you're cool, the rest of the time you look like an idiot.

4. Expensive drinks
I've had lots of friends tell me that they've spent 200 or even 300 dollars at the bar in a single night and that never made any sense to me. Recently I went out with some people and they are charging 4.50 for a drink now. Are you kidding me? I don't care how much my chances of having fun improve, I'm not paying 4.50 for a drink, give me water and I'll pop 17 advil and get the same effect.

3. Bar shirts
What is the deal with every guy getting these stupid shirts and wearing them at the bar. Note to retarded guys: Do you really think that wearing that 70 shirt is going to make you stick out from any other guy in the place? Frig, I wore a t-shirt out the other night and one girl actually approached me and said "it's cool to see a guy not wearing one of those stupid shirts". Actually come to think of it.... I'm an idiot for letting my secret out.....

2. Angry Employees
Again what is the deal with these people? I just don't get why you figure that being pissed off is going to add to the experience that you want your bar to have. It seems that no matter what you do, some bouncer (really pisses me off when it's a girl) has to bully you in some way. I wanted to look for a friend of mine out in the smoker's area the other night and when I tried to go out there this chick shoved me and informed me that I couldn't take any glass drinks outside. Seriously Biotch, if you just told me not to go outside with a drink I would have listened, no need to take your PMS show out on me. Go to hell.

1. Girls clothes
Not only is it a huge turn off for hot girls to wear slutty shirts, but if you are fat/ugly/have a huge deformity on your body, don't shot hit off! I'm not exactly fit, and you sure as hell don't see me wearing super tight shirts and wondering why girls aren't hitting on me. You know how there is always puke on the floor in the guys washroom? That's not from drinking too much, that's from looking at discusting clothing, nuff said.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Most annoying phrases in history

Ok, seriously, some people just don't know when to quit when it comes to quoting stuff. There aren't many things that tick me off more than someone constantly repeating catch phrases from movies and taking them to the point where they're not even funny anymore. Thus.... here's my list.

5. "OOOOHHHHH...KELLY CLARKSON"
Ok seriously, Brick Tamlin or whatever his name is happens to strike gold with another funny show, but there is one kid in the class that I teach that constantly drops this phrase. I told him if he ever said this again that I'd personally make sure he never had children.

4. "You are the weakest link... goodbye!"
Seriously, I hate this woman almost as much as I hate Oprah, and I really hate Oprah. Every time this woman opened her mouth all I could think of was that crazy b*itch from the sunday night sex show (don't pretend you have never seen of that show or heard or her). As much as I hated her, I hate anyone who repeats that phrase...

3. "What/Ok/Yes"
Ok seriously, no one can deny that Dave Chappelle is hilarious. Unfortunately he had to pull a Ricky Williams and go on a personal journey to find himself, but that's beside the point. In the absence of his comedic genius we are left to hear every stupid 10th grader think they have the perfect quip for any question posed to them. You know what kids... unless you are black, bald and like 140 lbs, then shut the hell up, or I'll tell Dave Chappelle you're ruining his comedy, and he'll definitely kick your ass

2. "Tina, come get some ham"
No funnier than the above comment, and also very annoying. The unfortunate thing for me is that I'm teaching in a high school right now, so I get to hear comments like these almost daily... I hate my life.

1. "Whatever I feel like... God"
Shut up John Heder. Whomever gave you the opportunity to put your ugly face on the big screen should be shot and peed on. Not only did I hate your movie, but I hate you and everything you'll ever be involved in. Again, people think that because this movie was such a hit that perhaps they will be the dork that gets cool by being funny. I would say this to all those out there who are as ugly/geeky as John Heder, dude may have money, but he probably still has to pay for sex.