Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Let me be the first...

Team Canada's Men's Hockey team sucked this year. There is no disputing that, and anyone who said "oh they had jet lag", or "They needed Niedermayer and Jovo" are wrong. Yes it would have helped to have those guys, and maybe Crosby, Staal, or Spezza could have been better than some of our players, but the bottom line is: those guys are good enough to get a goal, and in three of the games they played in, they coudln't even do that. Here are my top five reasons why Canada lost.

5. Pat Quinn is fat

Although this man coaches my beloved Maple Leafs, he obviously had his head up his ass all tournament. Why would you ever put Joe Sakic and Jarome Iginla on a line with Kris Draper? Why did Kris Draper see ice time other than penalty killing? Why did Brad Richards play more defense than Wade Redden? Quinn, I used to love you, but I think you have obviously gone insane, perhaps you're just tired of laying off the Mcdonalds.

4. Blake/Pronger Combo

Olympic Hockey is not the same as the NHL. The ice surface is huge and it requires a lot more speed than size. So again it comes back to Quinn when I ask, "why the hell would you have your two big slow defensemen (minus Foote of course), on the same line? I don't get it, it's like you tried to think of ways for us to lose. I will spare harping on these two guys right now because I will save that for later.

3. Juggling the lines

Notice a trend here? Everything goes back to Pat Quinn being a moron, I figure this is likely what the conversation went like before the olympics started.

Quinn: I'm going to juggle the lines as much as possible so the guys never get a chance to learn how to play together
Gretzky: What? eat your mcdonalds Quinn, I can't hear my lawyer on the phone
Quinn: I also think I'm going give Draper more playing time than Thorton and Nash combined
Gretzky: Do whatever you want, I have to get my wife out of trouble here...

2. Lemieux/Yzerman/Spezza/Staal/Crosby/McCabe/Phaneuf, etc...

I am so sick of people questioning everything that Hockey Canada does. That said, let me be the first to say that I thought Kris Draper being named to the team was a stupid idea. HOWEVER, who the hell am I to question Wayne Gretzky on who he thinks will make us the best team. Dude won a ton of cups, and was the greatest hockey player of all time, better than Lemieux, better than Orr, and yes.... I know this may bug you, but he's better than Crosby ever will be. Canada has enough talent to make two teams that could potentially medal in the tournament, and though we didn't do dick all this time around, it wasn't gretzky's fault. He picked a team that should have walked over most of the teams they played and the bottom line is they didn't.. save your criticism of Gretzky for his cracked out, moron wife.

1. Chris Pronger

The hope of our team in the absence of Scott Niedermayer was probably the reason we lost. I don't think I saw this big, stupid excuse for a hockey player make one pass that hit the tape, nor can I say that I saw him spend as much time trying to stop the opposing players as he did looking into Quinn's big puppy eyes. I understand that Pronger played with a cracked foot, and for that I admire him, however, it comes back to Quinn once more. If he is playing that pathetically bad, then why in the name of all that is holy was he getting more playing time than anyone else on the team. That pathetic moron spent more time in the penalty box than anywhere else and probably still managed to lead the team in minutes played. What a terrible tournament, I'm gonna go watch Women's figure skating or something...


At 12:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I love you... all good points

At 8:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pat Quinn is the greatest hockey mind of all time.

At 8:05 PM, Blogger Briananthony said...

pat quinn is an ass.

At 3:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pat Quinn is a retard.

How many cups has he won?

Answer: The same amount as Toronto inthe last 20 years combined with how many Vancouver has won.

He is quite possibly the most overrated coach of all time.

And if the men's worlds is anything to prove, Crosby definately should have been there.


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