Sunday, March 19, 2006

Oh Saskatchewan....

The "Tim Horton's" Brier. Men's curling tournament. The greatest event to sweep our fair city since The Grey Cup. It's not that I have a problem with curling, it's just that.. our province is so redneck it scares me sometimes. Here are the top five reasons the Brier has annoyed me this week.

5. Tim Hortons as the major sponsor

I hate Tim Hortons. I like their coffee and what fat man doesn't like donuts, but this company is EVERYWHERE. I don't know how much they spend on corporate sponsorship a year, but it must be ridiculous. I know that they are a good company, but we just completely fall right into their trap. People around here talk about it like it's some sort of fad and it pisses me off. "Timmy Ho's", "Tim's", etc, etc, etc... shut up! Shut UP! SHUT UP! Their coffee is ok, it's not the coolest place to hang out in the world!... ok.. I'm calm now.

4. Farm Drivers

I decided I would wander over to watch a bit of curling, after all it is part of the cultural experience of living in this province and I had free tickets, so why not? Well.. I can tell you that I have never been more frustrated than when I was trying to leave this parking lot. Every Tom, Dick and Harry had driven in from the farm to take in the festivities and they all drove their 60,000 dollar trucks in too. The problem I have with this is two fold. 1. Quit complaining that you have no money. If you just drove a normal vehicle like the rest of the people in this province then maybe you could afford to eat something because Bread and Water. 2. GET OUT OF MY F*CKING WAY! THIS ISN'T THE FARM, SO YOU CAN'T DRIVE LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE ON THE ROAD. I SWEAR I WILL KILL THE NEXT PERSON I SEE DRIVING WITH FARM PLATES.

3. Gas Prices

If anyone ever says that saskatchewan sucks, they are partyly right in this statement. We do suck, and I'll tell you why. All we do is bitch and moan that no one wants to live here, but whenever somethign happens that actually brings some people into our fair province, we try to screw them over. I've seen it happen time and time again. Take our gas prices as exhibit A. They were 86.9 prior to the big curling event, and the moment that people starting driving into our city to take part in hick fest 2006, we hiked the prices up to 98.9. Those brand new trucks take an awful lot of money to fill up, and we just screwed whomever decided to come to watch the tournament. Same thing with Agribition (another hick enticing event) and anything else that goes on. Stop trying to screw over the rest of the world just because we need money, that's why we lose people. stupid government..

2. "Parti Gras"

Nothing makes me more sad than watching over the hill men and women pretend they are in their teens again. It happens all the time, people that are old enough to be our parents or heaven forbid.. our grandparents, take a time warp back to when they felt cool. Nothing perpetuates this condition more than the slogan "Parti Gras". This is just giving license to every moron to pretend they are young again, and though I don't think old people should behave as if they are dead, they also shouldn't take a week off work and spend their children's college funs on one last kick at the cat, namely a curling tournament!!!! That's how 50 year old mothers have one last child..

1. Old drunk chicks.

In keeping with my frustration toward the tournament slogan, there are so many old drunk chicks it makes me sick. I did happen to watch a couple draws of the tournament, and if my mom decided to make an alcohol induced comeback to partying, she would have fit right in with these ladies. Nothing screams, "I'm recently divorced and I'm happy" more than women with Mardi Gra painting on their faces and half full beer cups in their hands during a curling game. *Note- the half the cup actually ended up on their shirts or in their laps. I actually saw one older lady joking around that she was going to flash the curlers to see if she could get more beads. Before she had the chance to prove that she would do it, I threw up in my mouth and went to get a coke to get rid of the taste of vomit and disgust. Saskatchewan.. I do love you, but for people living outside the province to see this must really make them proud that they moved away when they were 19... ok I'm done now


At 1:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear gawd..... some frenchies won the tournament in hickville.

At 4:22 PM, Blogger Hendy said...

Amen anonymous, amen.

At 8:00 PM, Blogger LBomb said...

What the hell is "gawd"? You sound like an idiot.

At 12:24 AM, Blogger Hendy said...

I agree, Gawd does sound a little ridiculous, but if in fact you are trying to avoid the use of God's name in vain, then respect. If not, well then you're some 14 yr old girl aren't you?

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